It’s only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realise how often they burst into flames.

July 23, 2014 Harry Hill

I’d rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.

July 22, 2014 Fred Allen

A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.

July 21, 2014 Mark Twain

Drama is life with the dull bits left out.

July 20, 2014 Alfred Hitchcock

Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.

The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius.

July 18, 2014 Oscar Wilde ,

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

A recent survey stated that the average person’s greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you’re telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.

July 16, 2014 Jerry Seinfeld

Nobody believes the official spokesman, but everybody trusts an unidentified source.

July 15, 2014 Ron Nessen

You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named ‘Bush’, ‘Dick’, and ‘Colon’.

July 14, 2014 Chris Rock